Developing communication Skills - Parent's Role and Responsibilities By R.Manoj Child and Adolescent Psychologist, Chennai

            The need for effective communication skills is felt only when the children are in the final stages of their academic life. Efforts to build it by attending workshops or undertaking training programs at this stage has been ineffective in a major chunk of the population

            Most of parents leave the development of communication skills to chance, nature, and opportunities that they hope to come in by-and-by Communication is a basic skill that has to be developed from childhood and early intervention has been found to give the best results. The onus rests on the family as a whole and Parents in particular. This is because children spend more time with their parents and also have a deeper involvement with them and the family as a unit has lifelong contact with its members. Parents also play a very important role in determining many of the contacts a child has with society as well as society's contacts with the child. Developing communication skills in their wards does not take any extra efforts from the part of the parents. All they have to do is

         Use the most of the available time to engage in conversation with your family members. By encouraging conversation you set an example to the children that they are also free to talk. Make yourself available whenever your child when your child wants to talk to you. Don’t ever say that I have no time to hear your goofs or I have other better jobs to do. Even if you have a hectic schedule always find some time every day to have a free talk with your child.

               Be unconditional and open to any ideas or opinions of the child even if you feel that what they say are bloopers or blunders. Always show genuine interest in whatever they say and regularly reassure them that their ideas are being listened to and valued. This increases their confidence and makes them comfortable in building up the conversation.

               Do not pass any negative comments on any of their opinions, ideas, thoughts or fantasies. Make them feel that you have understood their feelings and emotions. Always verbally endorse the same so that the children are never at doubt whether you grasped them clearly. This would make them more at ease to freely express all that comes to their mind.

              Even when you are probing into any of the deeds of the child don’t ever try to extract single word answers or make him reply in a “yes” or “no”. Be careful enough not to stop with “why it happened” but always encourage him to explain in detail, describing all the happenings associated with the incident.

                 Whenever you feel that the child is in an emotionally aroused state do allow him to express his feelings in his own words. Empathize with them to understand the intensity of the same which they may not be fully aware of.However restating or rephrasing what children have said in milder terms will be useful in bringing down the intensity of the powerful emotions they are experiencing.

             Repeating some of the words and phrases used by the child will be effective keeping them at ease and increasing their confidence enabling the extension the conversation. But by stating them in your own words you expose the child to wider vocabulary and usage of appropriate words and terms can give them a deeper understanding of words. This will help in improving their vocabulary and guide them to express themselves as accurately and clearly as possible in future.

                   If your child has been reluctant in talking to you try to look for any opportunities to pick up a conversation. This can be done by asking their opinions or ideas on incidents which they are usually interested in. Project as if both of you have some common platforms regarding, which you can talk about. Share all your views about the child especially the positive ones. Also allow him to share freely all his views about you. Do not heist to ask suggestions on things of common interest.

            Do not try to force the children in entering into conversations or put pressure to continue till such time that they get bored or exhausted. Watch for signs such as to staring into space, giving silly responses, or asking you to repeat several of your comments which indicates that it is time to end a conversation. Force can create aversion and alienate the child from you.

                Do not add fragments of advice every time you talk. Also be careful enough not to insist on maintaining high standards of vocabulary or grammar during conversations.

                 Parents set a powerful example of good or poor communication. One of the basic requirements for improving communication is audience and remember that the greatest audience any children can have are his parents who are important to them and interested in them.